Being Great Together

I’m great, you’re great; let’s be great together.

I meet so many people who are greater than they think. Who are under-living their lives. Who live below what they deserve and what they can accomplish. Who are not choosing to be happy.

Do you live your life as happily as you can? You can live your life as if it were already perfect. As if you were already perfect, which by the way, you are. 

Years ago, a friend of mine left her husband after he assaulted her. Reality was suddenly vastly different from her previous upper middle class lifestyle. She was almost without income, living with her infant son in a tiny apartment. She could have bemoaned her fate, but instead took a different approach. Jewel invented and hosted Oyster Nights, which consisted of us gathering at her place, wearing our fanciest clothes, and feasting on smoked oysters and Triscuits while drinking the best wine we could afford. We certainly weren’t dining at the Ritz, but our sense of abundance made us feel rich. We experienced opulence those evenings, envisioning wealth, living as if our lives were already perfect and as if we deserved it all.

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Living well is mostly in the mind. Letting go of petty obsessions frees energy and makes space for positive thoughts.

Your life is probably happier than you think. It’s a choice you can make right now. Decide you want to focus on positive aspects of life such as gratitude, abundance, and love.

Forget all those stupid grudges and little distractions. Forget fear and worry–they're only negative fantasies about the future. 

Give up gossip and rumour. In fact, give up talking about anyone not directly in the conversation. (I was shocked by how much time that frees up.)

Whenever you notice yourself being negative in thought or  communication, simply steer yourself back to positivity.

You don’t have to punish or belittle yourself; just begin noticing.

You’ll find it difficult at first, and may be shocked by how negative you are. But success will come. The more you notice and turn around negativity, the more you’ll develop the habit of positivity and service.

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Spend a couple of moments each morning planning your interior day. What’s important today – this day that you’ll never get back? What do you want to spend your energy on? What mood do you choose to be in? What are your priorities today? Who are the most important people in your world today? What do you want them to know from your heart?

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When we focus on positivity, we also free ourselves up to excel. I noticed this in taekwondo–when I focussed on positive and successful thoughts, images and conversations about my skills, I performed much better than when I used to tell myself I was no good at it.

Once I became aware of this in myself, it became blindingly obvious in others. I see so many people disempowering themselves through disorganization, self-deprecation, or simple lack of trying.

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Once you realise how happy you are, and accept that it’s ok to be happy, and are brave enough admit to happiness, you’ll see how much power you have over your life. That you pretty much can do anything, so long as you keep your focus and thoughts positive.

You have more power than you’d ever imagine. Look at what you’ve done already.

Opinions and Judgment

It takes so much trust to put oneself out there. Those of us who perform publicly or show their art know what I mean.

A big part of happiness is controlling your own life. This includes taking responsibility for deciding your worth–in other words, deciding that your value is up to you and you alone; no one else gets a say. Sure, you can solicit and accept feedback. But your life is yours and yours alone; no one else decides what is right and wrong for you.

Reaching this point is very lovely, because you no longer care what others say about you. You know when you are in integrity, and when you err; you don’t need to be guided by public opinion.

You realise the futility of trying to control others, including their opinion of you. You no longer need external validation because it’s meaningless to you.

You neither need nor expect everyone to like you or go along with your message. You know that other people like other flavours, and that’s ok with you.

Coincidentally your urge to, and participation in, gossip will decline. You’re too busy concentrating on yourself to worry about others, and you know that your opinion of them is meaningless. You’re just too involved in your own life to talk about people who aren’t present.

We often try for this independence of thought by rebelling, often as teenagers, but go too far the other way, shocking people through costume or actions, still attuned to others' perception of us. True maturity comes when we just don’t react others. The truly mature simply go about their business unconcerned about others, except to interact lovingly and be of service.

Danger Signs

Imagine a road that runs beside a canyon. There is a steep cliff to your right. Signs at the side of the road warn of the perilous cliff, but you hate those signs because they remind you of the danger, and you feel scared. To make yourself feel better, obviously the answer is not to remove the signs, but instead modify your driving, and thank your fear for reminding you to drive carefully.

Grasping that Ring and Enjoying Every Sandwich

Reminders of mortality: a beloved and lovely aunt died, a close relative and a friend each received unsettling health news, and a friend's friend died in a traffic accident.

These events can be upsetting and most of us try to avoid them, but they are golden. We need to remember that we are not here on earth forever, that life is a ride on a ferris wheel; we see some lovely sights and enjoy the sensations, but eventually the ride stops. For some of us the ride stops much sooner than we expect. So enjoy the view.

Go for the gold. Grab the brass ring. Make life your big adventure. As Warren Zevon said, enjoy every sandwich.

Warren did an interview on The Late Show with David Letterman following Zevon's having been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Letterman asked Zevon if there was anything he understood now, facing his own mortality, that he didn't before. Zevon replied, "Just how much you're supposed to enjoy every sandwich." 

Warren's is a wonderful metaphor because a sandwich is a simple, but that’s what most of our life is, simple everyday experiences. If you can enjoy those–aware of the beauty of simplicity–you will have a full life.

Let today be the day you start being happy. Let today be the day you act out your higher self. Let today be the day you start living.

Truth

Getting to our own truth is important. We know our truths, but lose them through programming and habit.

The programming starts the minute you make contact with other humans, continues through childhood and is established by adulthood. Eventually we give up or forget our truths. As we age, many of us experience times of rebellion, usually in our teenage and middle age years.

Conflict arises when our truth–that which you know in your soul, mind and gut to be true–is contradicted by those with power over us.

The wise parent of a teenager understands that the child needs to find their own truth. If this support is not given and the child does not venture to clarify or rediscover his or her own truth, their conflict can manifest in myriad ways such as addiction, abuse, depression or illness.

Your own truth is not something others can tell you. We can share our experiences, and talk about what worked and didn’t, but we can’t impose a truth on someone.

Everyone’s truth is true for them, but may be untrue or only partially true for someone else. Listening to and trusting your gut is the only skill you need: anything that rings true or feels like something you knew but had forgotten is a truth for you. It should make you happy and at peace. (Even sadness makes me happy because it’s just another face of love.) Anything that makes you feel bad, anxious or unworthy is not a truth for you.

Be open to acquiring or rediscovering truths. Test them out, reject those that don't fit. You'll develop a clear knowledge of your own personal operating instructions.

Desire

Why do kids love christmas and birthdays so much? It’s not love or religious significance—it’s presents! Kids desire stuff, unabashedly and with joyful abundance. Gift-giving celebrations are a chance for them to dream, and dream big. Kids know they’re going to get something, they count down the days, make lists of what they want, tell mall Santas, and even set out cookies as an anticipatory thank-you for what they expect to receive.

The ability to dream without limit and revel in desire is something we often lose on our way to adulthood. We know that ‘it’s not practical’ or we develop self-worth issues that make it unlikely we’d ‘be so lucky.’

We learn that that desiring is wrong when so many people have less than us, as if my desire will somehow take away from your reality. We hear ‘don’t be greedy’ and ‘who do you think you are?’ We pick up our parents’ stress over their inability to give us all we desire, and learn that desire makes mommy and daddy sad.

But desire guides us and motivates us. What if you could have anything, but only if you really desire it? You have to be able to see it, feel it, taste it. You have to be able to imagine your life with it. What would you look like, how would your day go, who would you talk to, where would you live?

Desires give us the chance to dream. To visualize life as it could be. They tell us about who we are, how we wish to live, and who we want in our lives.

Desire gives us a chance to test drive the things we think we want. I had thought I wanted a big house in the country. But when I test-desired it, I realised I like living in the city. I like casual chats with neighbors and enjoy walking places. I even like mowing my own lawn and cleaning my own house (yes, really); living in a smaller house on a smaller lot allows me to do that and still have a life.

When still in the state of desiring a larger house, I spoke with a friend whose finances had taken off. She confided that she hated her new trophy house. Sure, it was big and fancy, but she felt distant from her family, often unsure if they were even at home.

Test-desiring gave me the chance to alter my desire before–god help me–I got what I wanted. The secret is that we get what we want; the trick is making sure to focus on what you really want. Desire plays that role. It's a stage in manifestation, one that allows us to know whether we really really want something; to clarify and perfect our dreams.

The state of desire is a lovely place to live. I’m not talking about desire as a means to happiness; happiness is a way of living, not a destination. I’m already happy–what I desire won’t make me happier. I desire purely because it’s fun to do so, and life was meant to be fun.

Desire leads us to the rewards we seek. Rather than lures to be overcome, our desires, when listened to properly, guide us to our higher purposes. Desires are factory-installed, divine GPS for our souls. Desiring is not wrong–it’s one of the joys of life.

Let’s Procrastinate!

Procrastination has become a dirty word in our society. As a culture, we spent so many years trying to overpower the world; wrestle it into submission. Our messages were “Be the boss. Do it now. Force it to happen” and most unsettling, “anything you want, you can have here and now." We developed instant noodles, instant messaging and instant expectations. Being able to produce under stress was a sign of power.

But I have discovered another, more useful approach: letting ideas rattle around in the back of my head for a while. The solution often appears, obvious and complete, almost as if by magic.

Working hard, trying to force answers to appear leads to creative constipation. Putting something into the back your brain, works like a self-cleaning oven: while you sleep. (But hopefully without the stink.)

So add procrastination to your list of new year’s resolutions. Or do it later.

Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.

Ellen DeGeneres

Get Specific!

It’s a new year in the western world. Many of us are making resolutions or goals.

What do I want to do?

What do I want to accomplish?

Where do I want to go?

What do I want to be wearing as I accomplish these fabulous goals in this fabulous new year?

I decided to look great this year. I’ll need to look as good as I feel, so yesterday I went clothes shopping. I know the stereotype is that women love clothes shopping, but that’s not true of me; I’d rather play outside.

But my jeans were becoming fundraising pants—anytime I wore them, people offered me spare change, old socks and leftover chinese food.

So I took myself to the mall.

I had a clear plan of what I needed; jeans and a shirt. I had a clear vision of what I wanted—the cut, the style, the fit. Off I went to the store, tried on shirts until I found the right one, and did the same with jeans. Bada bing; out of there in under an hour.

My little story illustrates the point that finding what you want—and need—is easy once you’re clear on what it is. I had clear mental images of how the shirt and pants would look, feel and fit. As I tried on clothes, there was a sense of recognition when I put on the items I eventually bought. “Ahh, there’s my shirt. Yup, these are my pants.” It was like putting on clothes I already owned. Familiar and comfortable.

How does clothes shopping act as a metaphor for life?

Life is like a mall—it offers a huge variety of choices and selection. You can have this career or that; this type of relationship, or none at all.

In both Life and malls, your intent and vision influence your experience. Wandering through a mall is fine—you can browse any store, stop to eat, maybe take in a movie. But if you're there to buy pants, your trip may become frustrating and ultimately futile. If you want your life to have direction, you need to be just as clear:

• How will you know what stores to enter (what opportunities to take) if you don’t have a vision? 
• How will you know when you’ve achieved your goals if they are vague?

Vision counts. Many teachers tell us to have a vision board for our life goals. This is brilliant. But vision boards aren’t magic—you still have to go to the mall. You can’t sit home with images of great jeans you’d like to own and pray really really hard for them to manifest in your life. Well, you can, but chances are that the UPS guy isn’t going to magically show up at your house. You need to take action.

You don’t need to know how it’s going to work; as Julia Cameron says, we need to show up and let god do the rest. I didn’t need to know the sizes and styles carried by each store. I didn’t need to know their supply chain or history of recent sales. I didn’t even have to plan where to park. I just held a vision and took appropriate action.

So get clear—really really really clear—on your vision. Make a vision board; write lists. Imagine what you will feel, see and hear when you manifest your goal. What will each day be like—what will you wear, where will you be, who else will be there? When your vision is so clear it almost exists, go to the mall of life. Find what you want. Be picky, demand comfort, style and fit. Oh and a good price too.

You’ll look terrific and feel great.   

New Year’s Deletions

Happy [western] New Year! We’ll do this again in February as the Year of the Rabbit begins.

So we all know what happens to New Year’s resolutions. They last a good twelve hours until you sober up and without warning find yourself scarfing down a bag of chips. (I want to get fit but not right now.) Then you feel bad for not being able to keep a new year’s resolution; even something as seemingly easy as eating right. Yet another year, starting off in failure... might as well eat those chocolates too.

I decided to make my life easy. (After all, I live in Easy World, where everything is easy.) I have decided this year to remove certain things from my life. Forget keeping resolutions—this is a New Year's deletion.

In a recent review of my values and priorities, I unearthed a bunch of outdated ways of thinking. They don’t fit the real me; they're just ideas I picked up along the way, mistruths like “Asking for what you want is greedy” or “Putting myself first is selfish, and selfish is bad.”

What a relief to get that clutter out of my head.

Shedding light on habitual mis-truths allowed me to delete them, thus creating space for thoughts of creativity, love and joy.