You Might Like To….

Thich Nhat Hanh gives instructions framed as “You might like to…” What a transformative concept.

Saying You might like to, instead of You have to is refreshingly respectful and helpful. He’s not telling us what to do. He trusts that the answers we find inside are the best ones, and that our choices will be good. 

You might like to… and I know you will find the way that’s best for you creates a lot of space to honour and implement our own goals and methods.  

It’s an excellent attitude to bring to friends, family, and the parenting of teenagers. Here’s what I have to offer. I hope it helps, but while I love and want the best for you, the choices are yours to make.

Living With Your Mouth Shut

Donald Finkel’s book Teaching With Your Mouth Shut made a huge difference in the way I think about aging. Of all the books I’ve never read, his has been the most impactful. The phrase stuck in my mind and morphed into Living With Your Mouth Shut.

One benefit of aging is losing the fascination with your own stories. You’ve told them so many times and see the set faces and forced reactions. So you start listening, developing interest in others and their stories. That’s what I call Living with Your Mouth Shut.

Living With Your Mouth Shut is about more than just listening. It’s about being ok with peace. And pauses. It’s genuine curiosity about other people; not just holding your lips together until your chance to speak.

In my mind, living with my mouth shut entails:

• Using listening to create learning opportunities; 
• providing feedback only when asked; and 
• offering feedback that is positive, useful and actionable.

I think that being an effective listener—an important aspect of being an effective elder—means supporting others as they find their brilliance and best lives. You don‘t seek glory; it’s about helping the person you’re listening to find theirs.

Savouring the Path

I think it’s wise to savour walking the path, and focus less on getting places. 

There are a number of ways to go through life. One is to define a goal, locate it, and get there as quickly as possible. Another way is to define the kind of path you want to take—how you wish to spend your days, rather than where you’re trying to get to.

When you savour the path of your life rather than its achievements, you get to enjoy the scenery, explore and discover, and fully inhabit your life whether or not you achieve your goals. You still have goals, but your happiness is not dependent on you achieving them. It’s a win-win situation.

Photography as a Contemplative Practice

We’re all trying to figure out who we are, what we should do and be, and what kind of work to do. We take tests on Buzzfeed and Facebook, but here’s a perhaps more accurate way to describe who you are and understand what you want.

This method is effective—it will help you recognize your passions, interests, needs and values. This method is easy. In fact it’s something you probably already do every day.

And it’s simple—just take pictures of anything you like—people, places and things that you love or find beautiful, funny or visually engaging.

Don’t worry about technical stuff—just document that moment. The photos don’t have to be great, just recognizable enough to jog your memory.

While there’s nothing shameful or hidden about these photos, they’re private; not for sharing. They’re tools to help you see yourself; like a mirror, or diary.

Take photos of people, things and places that you like, then look at them occasionally.

• In chronological order, the photos will tell you where you’ve been, like the wake behind a boat.
• Ordered by location tells you about your happy places.
• Ordered by names of people tagged in your photos tells you about your tribe.

As you scan the imagery, you’ll see that certain subjects and colors catch your eye. You'll have visual feedback on how you like to spend your time, and of what interests you. The longer you continue this practice, the more you’ll see your life’s changes and progressions throughout the photos.