Uncommitted Complaining is what you might call venting, grousing, whinging; you don’t like a thing or person, but you’re not going to do anything about it. You're uncommitted to improving the situation. Your goal is only to release your own stress.
Committed Complaining is active, positive and creative. It’s working to understand the issue, creating strategies, and evaluating outcomes. It’s about learning and growth. Committed complaining is understanding what's bothering you, gathering facts, assessing options, and talking it over if appropriate, then taking action.
My friend Julia works that way. Jules is a joy: she asks for and takes advice, installs a fix and then reports back, always including how we helped her. I love hearing of her successes, and appreciate her thanks. The best part is that we never hear of the problem again, unless it reoccurs and she is seeking a new plan. It’s incredibly refreshing to be around someone so empowered. She’s a happy person, fun to be around, not least because she doesn’t go on (and on and on) about the same damn thing. She’s no better or luckier than the rest of us; she just takes responsibility for that which is in her control.
Meanwhile another acquaintance of mine is the queen of uncommitted complaining. She complains about her husband, her kids, her car, her home and her work. When I ask her plans to fix those issues she gets mad and says she just wants to vent.
A big clue to uncommitted complaining is anger when the complainer is asked what they plan to do about their complaint.
But why would we want to rid ourselves of stress by dumping it all over friends and family? Why would we think they would want it, or are we so selfish that we don’t care? Don’t you want better for those you love?
When you next find yourself complaining ask yourself: Am I committed to solving this problem? Am I seeking answers, approaches and plans? Am I actively seeking feedback or is this just a chance to talk about myself? If I wasn’t complaining, would I have anything else to say?
If you don’t like something, change what you can and learn to accept the rest. Remember, it's our attitude, not circumstances, that most affects our quality of life.
Have a joyful day and may all your complaints be committed ones.
Have a joyful day and may all your complaints be committed ones.
