Living With Your Mouth Shut

Donald Finkel’s book Teaching With Your Mouth Shut made a huge difference in the way I think about aging. Of all the books I’ve never read, his has been the most impactful. The phrase stuck in my mind and morphed into Living With Your Mouth Shut.

One benefit of aging is losing the fascination with your own stories. You’ve told them so many times and see the set faces and forced reactions. So you start listening, developing interest in others and their stories. That’s what I call Living with Your Mouth Shut.

Living With Your Mouth Shut is about more than just listening. It’s about being ok with peace. And pauses. It’s genuine curiosity about other people; not just holding your lips together until your chance to speak.

In my mind, living with my mouth shut entails:

• Using listening to create learning opportunities; 
• providing feedback only when asked; and 
• offering feedback that is positive, useful and actionable.

I think that being an effective listener—an important aspect of being an effective elder—means supporting others as they find their brilliance and best lives. You don‘t seek glory; it’s about helping the person you’re listening to find theirs.