Be A Model (Or Just Act Like One)

Every time we go outside or interact with people, we are teaching them how to communicate, both by creating norms—how others are doing it—and by demonstrating what works (or doesn’t). 

We are ambassadors; leaders in the quest for gracious, efficient communication. Even those who don’t normally think of ourselves as leaders need to recognize our influence on the world around us. So think twice before you cut someone off in traffic or conversation, cross the street against a light, or speak with someone in public service. You're not only affecting that person, you're teaching everyone around you. Be a model. Or... just act like one.

Walking & Joy

One of the benefits of walking the same route daily for years is observing a stroke survivor heal. I’ve seen it a few times now: shuffling at first, and with substantial support; progression to a walker, a cane and finally unassisted walking. Watching a stranger doggedly heal themselves inspires me. (And reminds me to appreciate good health.)

Halfway through today's walk, I realised that the man walking toward me was one of those people. I had seen him, day after day and month after month, drag his damaged body around the neighborhood in a slow but determined campaign for mobility. I haven't seen him for ages, but he is apparently quite healthy. As he strides toward me, he smiles and raises his hat, perhaps in thanks for all my supportive smiles over the years.

We've spoken only twice, but I feel as much joy for him as if he were my friend. Which I think he is.

Living With Your Mouth Shut

Donald Finkel’s book Teaching With Your Mouth Shut made a huge difference in the way I think about aging. Of all the books I’ve never read, his has been the most impactful. The phrase stuck in my mind and morphed into Living With Your Mouth Shut.

One benefit of aging is losing the fascination with your own stories. You’ve told them so many times and see the set faces and forced reactions. So you start listening, developing interest in others and their stories. That’s what I call Living with Your Mouth Shut.

Living With Your Mouth Shut is about more than just listening. It’s about being ok with peace. And pauses. It’s genuine curiosity about other people; not just holding your lips together until your chance to speak.

In my mind, living with my mouth shut entails:

• Using listening to create learning opportunities; 
• providing feedback only when asked; and 
• offering feedback that is positive, useful and actionable.

I think that being an effective listener—an important aspect of being an effective elder—means supporting others as they find their brilliance and best lives. You don‘t seek glory; it’s about helping the person you’re listening to find theirs.